I’ve been afraid for so long.
Of stepping out of the shadows.
Of adding my voice to the crowd.
Of spreading my angel wings.
Of taking the leap.
Of stepping into myself and into the spotlight.
Of being heard.
Of being known.
Of being seen.
But true joy, true happiness, and true love don’t dwell in the shadows.
They thrive in the light.
By being our authentic selves, we’re adding magic to the world that wasn’t there before.
By hiding who we are, we deny the world a great service.
In writing this, with the inspiration and support of my fellow Wild Women, I embrace my power.
I accept this Greatness.
I own who I am.
My highest priority is my higher self.
I am unabashedly in love with my self.
I no longer withhold love and kindness from myself for fear of being selfish or making those who have yet to fall in love with themselves feel inferior.
By openly loving myself, I am allowing others to open up to loving themselves, too.
I am passionately in love with my soulmate.
I no longer hold back my love for him for fear that those who are still journeying towards their soulmate will feel inferior.
By openly loving everyone, I allow others to open up to love, too.
I am wonderfully in love with the Universe.
I no longer hide my optimism and enthusiasm for life for fear that I will be perceived as naive or unrealistic.
By expressing my love and gratitude for life, I am being a force of good in the world.
I believe in love. I believe in miracles. I believe in rainbows. I believe in the Universe. I believe in bear hugs. I believe in tie-dye. I believe in enlightenment. I believe in crystals. I believe in laughter. I believe in kindness. I believe in family. I believe in sisterhood. I believe in Spirit. I believe in green juices. I believe in veganism. I believe in art. I believe in trees. I believe in Angels. I believe in authenticity. I believe in pizza. I believe in flowers. I believe in turquoise. I believe in peace. I believe in the ocean. I believe in equality. I believe in magic. I believe in being the kind of person you want your children to be. I believe in books. I believe in Life. I believe in incense. I believe in candles. I believe in soulmates. I believe in the moon. I believe in nature. I believe in compassion. I believe in creativity. I believe in women. I believe in inspiration. I believe in blogging. I believe in tea. I believe in smiles. I believe in Karma. I believe in positivity. I believe in Mala beads. I believe in gratitude. I believe in writing. I believe in meditation. I believe in community. I believe in animals. I believe in yoga. I believe in joy. I believe in me.
I believe fun is sitting around the dinner table surrounded by good food, good people and good belly laughs.
I believe relaxation is spending all day Saturday in bed reading, writing, drinking tea and cuddling my husband.
I believe success is peace of mind.
I believe sisterhood will change the world.
I believe life is a roller coaster ride of blessins’ and lessons.
I believe passion is essential to happiness.
I believe enthusiasm ignites the Universe.
I believe forgiveness is healing.
I believe only love is real.
I believe all this and more.
This is who I am.
Some people think I’m ‘woo-woo,’ unrealistic, and weird.
I think there are much worse things to be called.
I believe, as Rumi did, that conventional opinion is the ruin of our souls.
My aim is not to please others, but to be so connected with my soul that it’s whispers are louder than the opinions of others.
What I know for sure is that being my complete self equals pure freedom.
Embracing my complete self equals pure bliss.
Sharing my complete self with the world will change lives.
It will attract like-minded souls into my life – and repel those who aren’t suited to me.
To help me along this life-changing road to freedom, I wrote myself a prayer.
I wrote it late at night, on my iPhone, while clutching my new turquoise angel pendant in my left hand and waiting in meditation for the words to flow.
I invite anyone who is afraid of their own greatness to recite this prayer whenever needed. I know I will be.
To our Greatness,
I’ve realized something about myself lately. It’s such a shock to me that a part of me still can’t believe it’s true, but I know deep down that it is…
…I, Jen Saunders, am a Control Freak.
And even though my dear, sweet, beautiful husband was surprised to see me label myself as a Control Freak in this post, I’m sure there are people who know me who are rolling their eyes right now, thinking “Well, duuuuuh!”
I’m sure it’s even been pointed out to me a few times.
But I honestly had no idea it was a quality I possessed. Not obsessively, anyway.
When I think of a control freak, I think of characters like Monica Gellar from Friends or Claire Dunphy from Modern Family, not me; Jen-the-hippy-artist-girl! How could I be a control freak?!
I’ll tell you how.
I’m a control freak when I get angry because one of my friends is getting angry about something that they have no control over and so should just relax instead.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking negatively about people who think negatively. Yup.
I want people to just do things my way because then everything will be alright.
The other day, I became annoyed when the old woman next door was speaking loudly to herself in Italian outside my window… while I was trying to meditate. Really, Jen?! Really?!! That’s just laughable.
Maybe all this doesn’t seem like it fits under the label of ‘Control Freak,’ but it does. All the fear, anger and annoyances I experience arise when I can’t control the outcome, or I can’t control what a person is saying or doing.
A lot of my annoyances and anger arises when people aren’t doing what I think they should be doing, when they aren’t living how I think they should be living. I try to control their behaviour and their lives because I think they’d be happier if they just did what I wanted them to do.
And maybe they would be happier if they followed the SuperAwesome Book of Jen.
But then again, maybe they wouldn’t.
Either way, it’s not up to me. It doesn’t even have anything to do with me. It doesn’t matter how much I try to control someone’s habits, behaviour or life, people will always do what they want to do. Always.
And that’s good. That’s better than good, that’s perfect. That means the only person I need to control – the only person I can control – is myself. Phew!
“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I’m going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.”
~ Elizabeth Gilbert in ‘Eat, Pray, Love’.
I only became aware of this aspect of myself through the spiritual work I’ve been doing since reading Spirit Junkie and learning more about A Course In Miracles. I’ve been becoming more consciously aware of what triggers negativity within myself, how to witness it, forgive it and release it.
I wasn’t surprised that my biggest triggers were pulled around certain people or certain parts of the media, but I was surprised when I dug deeper than ‘That person makes me so angry,’ and started asking myself bigger questions that forced me to look within rather than without.
Since working through all this, I’ve been able to control my emotions and my inner world so much better. Don’t get me wrong, it’s something I will always have to be aware of – I am only human after all. But these days, I rarely get carried away in anger or fear, and when I do it doesn’t take me long to notice it, reframe it and use it as an opportunity for healing and see it as an invitation to love more.
And an amazing thing has happened. The more I do this – the more I pray and meditate and study this miracle work – the more forgiving I become of the people and situations that used to make my blood boil and my heart ache.
In fact, I’m actually feeling more grateful for them every day.
The people and situations that bring up the most fear, anger and negativity in me, are the people who are helping me to heal and teaching me to choose love in a way that others can’t. They are teaching me to accept everyone for exactly who they are – not who I want them to be – just as they are. I’m learning to love and accept everyone and everything just as it is.
The more I let go of control, the more room there is for love.
“The moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle.
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down.”
~ Alanis Morissette, Thank U.
I see now that everyone in my life, whether they brought me love or fear, joy or pain, and whether they are still in my life or not, have been teachers.
Everyone in our lives is a teacher, here to teach us one lesson only – to love. More.
The lesson is always love.
Everyone, from the people in front of you in the line at the supermarket to your worst enemy or most cherished friend, is a messenger.
The message is always love.
People from your past, people in your present, and the people in your future are all Angels.
They always bless you with love.
If you only let them.
Speaking of love, this post about the Venus transit marking the return of the Divine Feminine is must-read for every Wild Woman out there. Reading this will speak to your soul and ignite your divinity. Share it with your tribe and spread the wildfire.
As I sit here in my office drinking tea, looking out the window at the sun shining on the grass and the leaves of Autumn dancing in the wind, listening to jazz music and birds singing, feeling so grateful for all the love that surrounds and permeates me, it’s hard to believe that this world is anything short of Really-Super-Duper-Awesome-Magical-And-Miraculous.
These love-filled moments are becoming a daily occurance for me as I continue to choose love and expect miracles, and it makes me wonder…
What if the entire Universe is the most fun and totally rockin adventure park ever, and the Earth is just one of the many spectacular rides?
What if our time here is an awesome roller coaster ride for our Spirits that we just take too damn seriously sometimes?
What if the whole point of this life is to enjoy every second, to feel the thrill of the ups and downs, to surrender control and let the rollercoaster take us where we’re meant to go?
What if, once our rollercoaster ride on Earth is over, we can zip around the entire Universe on galactic go-karts?
What if our Spirits get to spend all of eternity dancing among the stars, sliding down the Milky Way, and painting bright colours onto faraway planets?
What if that’s exactly what we were doing before we decided to jump on this rollercoaster ride?
What if this is Heaven?
What would the world and everyone in it look like to you if you embraced the perception that we’re already in Heaven?
Would sunshine on your window be an unnoticed daily occurance or a wonderous miracle?
Would love be something from a fairytale or the essence of who you are?
Would your friends, family, and even strangers be random people or Angels assigned to the task of leading you home to love?
Would you be just another person making ends meet or a carefully chosen Miracle Worker, a messenger to spread love and peace to everyone you meet?
Would the Earth be a ball of dirt that we own or would it be a living, breathing miracle that is the sole reason (or soul reason) we are living, breathing miracles, too?
Would coincidences and synchronicities be random accidents or planned blessings designed to guide us effortlessly toward our destiny?
Would every person on this Earth be seperate beings, segregated into different labels and hierarchies, or would we all be sparks from the same flame?
Would fear, anger, hate and lack be responses to an unfair world or an invitation to love? Would fear, anger, hate and lack even exist at all?
Would love be a commodity we only give to certain people or would it be a state of mind, a way of living, as essential and accessible and easy as breathing?
Would religion be opposing constructs and institutions or simply different paths to the same Paradise, branches from the same Tree of Life?
Would children be idealistic dreamers who need to be trained and taught about the ‘realities’ of life or would they be the purest kind of Angels, here to remind us older Angels how to live and how to love?
Would animals be faceless creatures that are only here to take their place in the food chain or would they be living, breathing miracles just like us?
Would food be chemical-laden fillers to our emotional wounds or a source of nutrients, health, wellbeing and life?
Would the world be an unfair, tough and scary place to live or a perfectly orchestrated adventureland ripe with never-ending opportunities and permeated with happiness and infinite love?
Well, that’s entirely up to you.
As for me, I much prefer to love everything.
Here are a few things I’ve found love in recently…
Buzzing bees at my window.
Waking up to rainbows.
Sunshine kissing green grass.
Spirit Junkie by Gabby Bernstein. This book has changed my life. Seriously.
Flowers, jars, wine bottles and teapots.
Finding beauty in the oddest of places.
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
~ Albert Einstein
Enjoy the ride,